The premise of today's scribblings may be viewed in certain quarters as unremittingly harsh. Is not the avaricious hedge fund manager responsible for the present economic debacle?
Not really, no. I blame Sarah Beeny. The incessantly fertile, dead behind the eyes preacher of property based greed.
Ragged or not, the Beeny woman would have happily chopped in the trousers of those philanthropists had she espied a gluttonous profit. That's what it all comes down to in the end. Profit. Let's ruthlessly disregard the basic need of a roof over ones head and knock through for a hearty margin. Add a downstairs toilet. Ker-ching! Convert the loft. Show me the money! The financial woes of the global markets are nought compared to the financial attrition meted out by the Devil Incarnate. Sarah Beeny.
Showing posts with label Property. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Property. Show all posts
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Casting, casting - RETV
One of the services we provide at Wonkana is TV presenting and Real Estate TV, the property channel has asked me to try out for a new role which is being filmed at the London Stock Exchange. Part of the casting requires some self written spiel about buyer's tips, emerging markets and the like - this is a rough draft of mine.
“ Buy low, sell high “; that’s the nuts and bolts, the meat and drink of property development. Well, buying low is certainly possible in the current climate as many developers weep into their gilt edged portfolios. However, the present situation may yet prove to be advantageous and you could find yourself a tidy profit before Deborah Meaden can say “ I’m out ! “. This is the one occasion it’s okay to use the C word on television. Consolidation. Maximise that 200 grand end terrace your procured at auction by working smarter. So, before you go wild in the dolphin bathroom aisles, think about recycling. Think about the car boot sale. Yes, it’s worth leaping from your stinking pit first thing on a Sunday to pick up some cut price fixtures and fittings. And what’s more, you’re being greener than Graham Greene working for the Green Party whilst listening to Green Day. Those Ikea prints and Mira electric shower (still boxed) are yours for 15 quid and you’ve ticked the recycling box…..we’ll conveniently overlook the booter’s standard issue plastic bag.
As a potential buyer of course, you do need to be switched on and clued up. Has the place been kitted out in state-of-the-art gadgets that might look good but frankly fail to add any real value to the house? After all, it’s a home first and foremost – a roof over your head, so is the intelligent lighting and wireless music system necessary or is it just so they can slap another 10 grand on the asking price? If the property is over the odds now, the picture won’t be much better when you come to sell. Going back to the eco friendly theme may be the answer – environmentally sound additions to your home might just make it a more attractive proposition….”A” rated white goods, solar panels, good insulation and cavity wall treatment. Not forgetting those energy saving light bulbs – yes, I know they take eons to come on, but this is the planet we’re talking about !
Education, education, education is arguably as important as Location, location, location. All parents know the importance of a good catchment area. But don’t just rely on league tables and Ofsted reports – these may be a useful guide, but nothing beats talking to other parents. Find out what makes the school tick – is it really the right choice for your child? It may claim to be the best school in Christendom on paper, but if it doesn’t live up to that, have you bought in the right area?
So where are the emerging markets? The Floridian holiday home for the terminally retired has been and gone, the former Eastern Bloc is a firm favourite and timeshare is…well, timeshare. If it’s reconstruction you want to be in on, you could do worse than Iraq and Afghanistan. It is possible to pick up an en suite cave for not much money. On a serious note, developers have identified the humble student as a gap in the market. Bespoke, hard wearing flats can be let out year after year, as the student is now a far more discerning breed. Not for then a run down 3 bed mid terrace with regulation pot noodle and daytime tv. The win is centralized, modern and functional student apartments. Make sure you do your homework though – wi fi and quick broadband will be a must. As more and more school leavers are encouraged into higher education, the need for accommodation naturally increases and your bottom line looks increasingly healthy.
“ Buy low, sell high “; that’s the nuts and bolts, the meat and drink of property development. Well, buying low is certainly possible in the current climate as many developers weep into their gilt edged portfolios. However, the present situation may yet prove to be advantageous and you could find yourself a tidy profit before Deborah Meaden can say “ I’m out ! “. This is the one occasion it’s okay to use the C word on television. Consolidation. Maximise that 200 grand end terrace your procured at auction by working smarter. So, before you go wild in the dolphin bathroom aisles, think about recycling. Think about the car boot sale. Yes, it’s worth leaping from your stinking pit first thing on a Sunday to pick up some cut price fixtures and fittings. And what’s more, you’re being greener than Graham Greene working for the Green Party whilst listening to Green Day. Those Ikea prints and Mira electric shower (still boxed) are yours for 15 quid and you’ve ticked the recycling box…..we’ll conveniently overlook the booter’s standard issue plastic bag.
As a potential buyer of course, you do need to be switched on and clued up. Has the place been kitted out in state-of-the-art gadgets that might look good but frankly fail to add any real value to the house? After all, it’s a home first and foremost – a roof over your head, so is the intelligent lighting and wireless music system necessary or is it just so they can slap another 10 grand on the asking price? If the property is over the odds now, the picture won’t be much better when you come to sell. Going back to the eco friendly theme may be the answer – environmentally sound additions to your home might just make it a more attractive proposition….”A” rated white goods, solar panels, good insulation and cavity wall treatment. Not forgetting those energy saving light bulbs – yes, I know they take eons to come on, but this is the planet we’re talking about !
Education, education, education is arguably as important as Location, location, location. All parents know the importance of a good catchment area. But don’t just rely on league tables and Ofsted reports – these may be a useful guide, but nothing beats talking to other parents. Find out what makes the school tick – is it really the right choice for your child? It may claim to be the best school in Christendom on paper, but if it doesn’t live up to that, have you bought in the right area?
So where are the emerging markets? The Floridian holiday home for the terminally retired has been and gone, the former Eastern Bloc is a firm favourite and timeshare is…well, timeshare. If it’s reconstruction you want to be in on, you could do worse than Iraq and Afghanistan. It is possible to pick up an en suite cave for not much money. On a serious note, developers have identified the humble student as a gap in the market. Bespoke, hard wearing flats can be let out year after year, as the student is now a far more discerning breed. Not for then a run down 3 bed mid terrace with regulation pot noodle and daytime tv. The win is centralized, modern and functional student apartments. Make sure you do your homework though – wi fi and quick broadband will be a must. As more and more school leavers are encouraged into higher education, the need for accommodation naturally increases and your bottom line looks increasingly healthy.
Friday, 27 June 2008
Capital pitching, dear boy
I like London. There are usually two ends to this illuminating spectrum. The raffish at one and the uber sophisticate at the other. Suffice to say, Colin and I formed a coterie that sat comfortably with the latter. Seamlessly we blended with the social mores of NW and EC1. Barely concealing our provincial credentials with an A to Z Handy map, we set out to " burn some shoe leather " (c) Robert Craven. As I gingerly exited Chalk Farm tube, a quick call to Col revealed his position to be the Salvation Army cafe. Anticipating a painfully a la mode coffee lounge with a trusty oak and leather combo, imagine my surprise as the warm brick exterior belied the rudimentary interior. Tea for two and a yoghurt encased cereal bar for 2 English pounds ! This isn't London. This is Utopia.
Crackling with ideas and spewing out the odd invigorating torrent of thought, we set our course for some upscale estate agents. In this postcode, they don't do proletariat. As Aussie Col performed his elevator pitch to the townhouse alumni, I window shopped, wrestling with the impossible sounding mortgage multiples. One would-be-buyer stood chatting to an agent who could clearly smell something numbered and Swiss. Eavesdropping, I felt like Sarah Beeny minus the perennial pregnancy bump. By now, the beautiful people of these monied boroughs will have seen our video and it will be the talk of the town.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rcr4ojLcSM
London town. A Wonkana kind of town.
Head back here on Monday for more on The Smoke.
Crackling with ideas and spewing out the odd invigorating torrent of thought, we set our course for some upscale estate agents. In this postcode, they don't do proletariat. As Aussie Col performed his elevator pitch to the townhouse alumni, I window shopped, wrestling with the impossible sounding mortgage multiples. One would-be-buyer stood chatting to an agent who could clearly smell something numbered and Swiss. Eavesdropping, I felt like Sarah Beeny minus the perennial pregnancy bump. By now, the beautiful people of these monied boroughs will have seen our video and it will be the talk of the town.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rcr4ojLcSM
London town. A Wonkana kind of town.
Head back here on Monday for more on The Smoke.
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