The Missing Link

Lay everything bare. That's the way in 2008. Kyle, Katona, Price, Brand, Ross and a homogeneous cast of thousands have all become dramatis personae in the spouting of the trivial and the dysfunctional. There is a time for diplomacy and a time for tact. That time is 4.54pm as I compose this blog entry. The organisation I am about to direct a tirade at shall remain nameless. I would say they know who they are, but I fear they don't. I come away with the distinct impression that not only does their right hand not know what their left hand is doing, the left hand believes its opposite number never existed in the first place. As a business, we have spent the best part of a year meeting various figureheads from this organisation and asking who it would be best to speak to given our line of work and how it will enhance theirs beyond question. Usually it's a "drop me an email and I'll point you in the right direction". Then the email only returns after 2 prompts over a 2 to 3 week period and even then it usually results in the same thing.Nada. Sometimes you'll get a name and a direct number. But they tend to be the wrong person too. It's a shambles. From top to bottom. Side to side. Would you be surprised if I told you public money pays for this organisation? Thought not.

Baby P

The question has been replaced by a statement. "Has the world gone mad?" treads amongst the extraneous. Regard the photograph of female prisoners in HMP Holloway at the "Monsters Ball" and I defy you not to feel the same. There was certainly life in the lifers' wing that day. If only the same could be said for their diabolically persecuted son. A Halloween party for murderers. Think of a party and thoughts turn to celebration, love and reward. How cruelly Baby P was denied of all these. Unquestioning and shameless are the authorities whose twisted thought process equates fancy dress and cake with these embodiments of gratuitous and merciless violence. If Dostoevsky had lived now, his epoch capturing work would have been re titled "Crime and Understanding". Inalienable human rights without any responsibility. How is it allowed to happen? Who thinks "let's throw these nice people a pagan themed bash"? And why are they still in a job? A life without consequence. A life term without punishment.
The world has gone mad.

Barack Obama didn't get there first

I'd had enough of playing Robbie Williams and George Benson. The time for a change had come. I'd been thinking it long before Barack Obama said it out loud. Yes, there'd been some compensations in being a radio presenter; the interviews it had allowed me to do. Sir Ian McKellen, Sharleen Spiteri, The Beautiful South etc etc. I could go on. Some of them did. Along the way, I'd met my now business partner and erstwhile Australian, Colin McGinness. As someone steeped in broadcasting production ( and with a Sony under his belt ), Colin's creative muse is almost always on the go. After an arduous day of podcast and radio ad production, he spends many an evening hunched over his home studio, producing music and writing sketches for our "hobby" comedy podcast Waiting for Death.

I remember clearly the point at which Wonkana Productions went from being a smorgasbord of "what if's" to a living, breathing start up. Just over 18 months ago, we were viewing the BBCs use of podcasting with great intrigue. Then came the phenomenal success of The Guardian's Ricky Gervais podcast. Download statistics read like Australian telephone numbers. Surely it was possible to take this medium and fashion it into a new and powerful marketing tool for both external and internal communications in all kinds of business. We had no shortage of professional voice overs and presenters in our midst, we could write scripts and music and I had the interview skills to get the best from a company's CEO or newest recruit. Like an HGV driver using satnav, our first order took us in a completely unexpected direction., With a respected sports journalist acting as go between, Littlewoodspoker.com signed up for the first professionally produced poker podcast "The Pokercast". Now available on their website, itunes and other podcast directories, he says, deploying the obligatory plug. As we close out our first year, we've been working with a number of PR agencies to service their clients. One of them is the Bristol Enterprise Network, whose event Entrepreneur's Question Time has now drawn 35,000 downloads as an audio podcast. Greater awareness, more new business and more repeat business - that's what this medium can bring. We even make broadcast standard video.

Networking has of course been one of our priorities as a new business and whilst the BNIs, BRXs and every other acronym under the sun have their place, I can honestly say Enterprise Club is invaluable. Well run events and no costly membership make it a great way for business to spread its wings. I've now been able to put into practice some of the techniques and devices demonstrated at Enterprise Club seminars. It's surely no coincidence that we're just in the process of picking up a handful of new clients.
As many other businesses, Wonkana Productions laughs in the face of the credit crunch, thanks in part to the knowledgeable and supportive work of the University. And just in case you're wondering, it means "happy hunting ground" in Aboriginal. Wonkana, not the credit crunch.

Podcasting News

And so we return, hanging sweetly in the ether, like the aroma from a highly exclusive yet accessible eau de toilette. Now before panic sets in, I can confirm the contents of this e letter have been ratified by our compliance unit and do not cross the "edgy" but palatable comedy boundaries you have come to expect. There'll be no falling on swords BBC style and no prank calls to national treasures. That said, I did toy with the idea of reversing the charges from the New York speaking clock to Dame Judi Dench. One unreported and intriguing facet of the Sachsgate saga is that sales of Fawlty Towers dvds have enjoyed something of a resurgence! At the ripe young age of 78, we may now bear witness to a Manuel renaissance and some slapstick senile delinquency. Was the swearing excised from the podcast I wonder?


No such problem with the genial and charismatic Lloyd Richards and LPR Mortgage Services. I met young Lloyd through the Business Club and all sycophancy aside (there's a first!), there are some clients who are so enthused, so pro active and so switched on, that you almost wonder if they've been rote learning your business plan. Lloyd is one of these. As an independent mortgage broker, the opportunity was to create a broadcast quality audio podcast that would sit on the LPR site, iTunes and myriad podcast directories. As a pilot episode, both of us are grinning a la Cheshire Cat. The Wonkana produced podcast begins to capture Lloyd's energy, humour and equally, knowledge for mortgages and the property market. Heaven knows we need it now! "The Real Mortgage Show" is a great example of how a business can really personalise itself and communicate in a green, paperless way. It also allows you to come across as eminently likeable, ahead of the field and therefore an innovator. Do have a listen :

http://www.lprmortgages.co.uk/


I did promise that we'd veer away from any incendiary topics or material likely to cause offence and raising of the hackles. I fibbed. Whilst filling out a web registration form for the 2012 Olympics, it came to my attention that far from being marginalised, religion is bigger than ever. More than a page of the form was given over to monitoring the spiritual leanings of your company's staff. Luckily, this potentially hot potato was circumnavigated by our theological insouciance. Colin's atheism was catered for, my low key Christian beliefs were accounted some way down the list behind Voodoo, Shamanism and Branch Davidianism and our team of writers and producers would rightly chide me for prying into their private views. We only wanted to pitch for an Olympics podcast, not create the profile of a hate preacher! Should you be looking into the way your business communicates and you haven't the slightest interest in our religious diversity, please drop by at http://www.wonkanaproductions.com/

Mind my canapes

You know when you've truly arrived on the business networking scene when the Dean of a University's Business School invites you to a full blown lecture, finger buffet and all.
My company has been formally requested. I shall tread the oaken portals of the William Shapland Lecture Theatre and take my place for the sagacious words of Simon Denny. All hail the inaugural lecture of the Professor of Entrepreneurship! Between delicate bites on a mini chicken satay skewer, I will keenly absorb the austere and enlightening content : " Engagement through Enterprise - The Northampton Model". As a county we've been known for myriad things; shoes, Gian Sammarco (Adrian Mole), Bauhaus, Marc Warren (Hustle and pretty much everything else on tv), Andrew Collins, John Clare and Wonkana Productions. I'm sure the etiquette and manners displayed this evening will be delightful and I'm brushing up my polite small talk as we speak. Have you worked here long? Oh I work for a podcast production company; here's my card...........

Credit Crunch - The Blame Game

The premise of today's scribblings may be viewed in certain quarters as unremittingly harsh. Is not the avaricious hedge fund manager responsible for the present economic debacle?
Not really, no. I blame Sarah Beeny. The incessantly fertile, dead behind the eyes preacher of property based greed.
Ragged or not, the Beeny woman would have happily chopped in the trousers of those philanthropists had she espied a gluttonous profit. That's what it all comes down to in the end. Profit. Let's ruthlessly disregard the basic need of a roof over ones head and knock through for a hearty margin. Add a downstairs toilet. Ker-ching! Convert the loft. Show me the money! The financial woes of the global markets are nought compared to the financial attrition meted out by the Devil Incarnate. Sarah Beeny.

SatNav Frivolity

Wrong turnings. HGVs and low bridges. The creation of rat runs. Think of a satellite navigation system and not all of your perception will be flattering. Poor old SatNav slipped further down the rung of salubriousness when it was revealed Gloucestershire Constabulary were handing out dusters so as to wipe away any evidence of your Tom Tom's existence. Or Garmin. Or Sony. I forget the rest. Quarter lights were mullered, glove compartments were fingered and even NHS ambulances were raided. It was fast becoming the must-not-have accessory of the 21st Century. Not only was the mapping outdated, but the default pre-loaded voices were well, frankly, pedestrian. "Jane" was informative enough bordering on the alluring but "Brian" was dull and monotonous and the same "voice artist" behind the alleged Aussie voice "Steve". The market for celebrity and sound alike voices on your SatNav was crying out for some creative input.
Cue the guys at SatNav voices who in turn cued the chaps at Wonkana Productions. I for one have already squandered 15 years plus deploying my Lloyd Grossman, Chris Tarrant and a cast of tens on local radio. And Aussie Col's Krusty the Klown is epoch making. Like the diligent performers we are, Col and I painstakingly read the 2 page script for directions in our best impressionist voices and some of the results are filtering through to SatNav voices. Let's face it, i-spy is lame, The Little Mermaid on headrest dvd for the 15th time is stultifying and even rubber necking that 7 car pile up fails to deliver on the comedy front. Thank the high priest of satnav for these guys
http://www.satnavvoices.com/index.php?pg=2&sec=3&vid=51