Today Europe, tomorrow The World

So here we are, some 20 odd episodes down the track and that august institution The People's World Podcast Awards is crying out for some Waiting for Death action http://www.wonkanaproductions.com/waitingfordeath.php . And well they might. My ineffable colleague and WFD creator Colin McGinness has slaved over many a hot ISDN and toiled relentlessly at his Pro Tools to realise his comedy vision. A disparate band of voice overs and presenters, weary of their strapline existence were ready to throw off their shackles and get political, subservice and rude! It was and still is the only professionally produced sketch comedy in a podcast only format. No BBC might lurking behind every script and no sprawling commercial entity providing a vast pool of funds. Just creativity, dedication and goodwill. Already it's caught the eye of our European cousins and we're happy to take your votes in the name of democracy and err vanity. Of course, we don't just want to be in the competition, we want to win it. I know that makes us sound like Andy Murray, but trust me when I say we don't share the unruly curls or stroppy demeanour.

This is how it works :

Visit the site http://www.worldpodcastawards.com/

In Podcast Name put Waiting for Death.
In Podcast URL put http://www.blastpodcast.com/viewpodcast.html?id=572

Nominations form 40 per cent of the process. Isn't it time you showed us some love?

Big Plans

Our American division has been busy creating a test sequence for the TV pilot of "Waiting for Death". Here are the results of their endeavours - it's very much "early doors", but it just gives you a glimpse into the Wonkana comedy writing arm.

A stoned Moss garners no friends

All men are "c****" and "b*******". At least in the view of Kate Moss they are. It's this type of wayward and wholly unjustified outburst that makes me thankful my celebrity "star" has not yet risen above the Endsleigh Insurance firmament. I'm no great proponent of the C word and to hear this colourful description from a woman only serves to heighten its repugnance. Sure, we've all been there. A rotten experience with the opposite sex and the temptation to stereotype the entire gender is palpable. But it passes. Unless of course you're a neurotic, dysfunctional and misanthropic fashion model cum icon of vacuity. What a great name for an album - Icon of Vacuity. Spin your ipod wheel and there's the album artwork; a suitably pretentious pencil sketch of Ms Moss, with anti male bile cascading from her lips. Listen Mossy, if I went on the evidence of one bad relationship, all women would be unpredictable, irrational sociopaths and I'd be periodically checking the brake line on my peugeot.
Where's the even handedness, the circumspection and the reasoning? I guess that's the Peruvian marching powder for you. A few nosefuls of that stuff and everyone probably seems like a "c***" and a "b******". You can have a titter at more lampooning of coked up celebs by going to
http://www.wonkanaproductions.com/waitingfordeath.php

Shiny new episode

Aussie Col is pictured at the recent littlewoodspoker.com tournament pondering whether it is prudent to play some WFD sketches to Michael Greco.

Still looking for all your continued support with downloads and votes for our filthy little show.

Vote for Waiting For Death here:

http://www.european-podcast-award.eu/uk/start/vote-and-win/professional/type/player/uid/748/podid/748.html


BRAND NEW SUPER EXPANDED SPECIAL EPISODE AVAILABLE NOW

Syke News finally gets it's own show. A full length special edition and now officially our longest episode to date.Join our team as we give you the news behind the news.
What's Russia up to?
Is Naomi Campbell litigious?
Whatever happened to that Maddie girl?
Can John-Paul save your sex life?
And what's with this 2012 apocalypse malarkey?
For the answers to all these questions, plus the latest from the Beijing Olympics, it's time to get Newsed. And no one will news you harder than Syke News.


DOWNLOAD IT ON ITUNES NOW, OR LISTEN ONLINE AT:

http://wonkanaproductions.com/waitingfordeath.php

There's the door

Now and again you encounter the "closed mind" culture. It's usually found 'neath the shallow cover of the "my door is always open" culture.
I too have been employed by blinkered organisations who are threatened by ideas and opinions which emanate from non managerial quarters. You become accustomed to that sense of foreboding which means not only has your card been marked, but dipped in one coat-vandal proof-irremovable Hammerite. You could run the organisation better than they do. Incidentally, I make no apology for using the language of the polemicist. It's you and them.
A company with any semblance of gumption will actively harness the insight of intuitive and progressive staff. Not this one; the head of department feels undermined by every upstart fibre of your insolent being. You want the best for the business and the best for you?
If you don't like it, leave.
Is it actually possible in this day and age people are still being told that?
Well, not only is it happening, the threats industry is positively burgeoning. Invariably, weak senior management will draft in ( and I'm sorry for using the C word ) a consultant. I'm genuinely saddened by the interlopers, brigands and con men passing themselves off as consultants. Their oleaginous modus operandi is to window dress the message with gentle and encouraging words like "team", "collective" and "cohesion". If you're really lucky, they may even call upon the unbridled power of the flip chart and place a triangle inside a circle.
I'm afraid all the euphemisms in the handbook couldn't prevent one fat-headed fellow from showing his true colours to one particularly hard-pressed set of underpaid individuals.
" We're a team with a common purpose ", he told them, preferring the all encompassing "team" as he could never bring himself to shake the hand of anyone sub board level.
" And if anyone doesn't like their job; get up and leave now. " Quite a guy eh?
A room may be an inanimate space, but I think even it squirmed. Brick dust was seen to cascade. It's remarkable what sparks off a blog topic; one of the forthcoming episodes of Waiting For Death http://www.wonkanaproductions.com/waitingfordeath.php
deals beautifully with the foibles of the workplace.
And if you don't like it, you know where the door is.

Let him go.....We will not let him go

War and Comedy are, it's fair to say, two largely irreconcilable ideas. Never the most simpatico of bedfellows, the pair rarely collide. Until yesterday. In the hostile and unforgiving terrain of Afghanistan, British special forces killed a senior Taliban commander. The name of this terrorist troglodyte? Bismullah. All this time, the insurgency force around Helmand have been slavishly following a man named after a bunch of Queen lyrics. He doubtless won Afghan hearts and minds with the impassioned plea :
" I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me "
How they fell to their knees and gave old Bishy their unwavering loyalty.
On this occasion however, the well trained cross hairs of the SAS couldn't spare him a life from this monstrosity. He was brown bread.
Beezlebub may well have put a devil aside for you, my old mucker, but it was elite servicemen who had a bullet with your name on.
There is of course a bucket load of tomfoolery at http://www.wonkanaproductions.com/waitingfordeath.php

p.s. The blog takes just over a weeks rest as of now - come back on 28th July.

Profane and Inane

It'll never stand up in court. How I did chuckle at the defence of slippery producers for the Jeremy Kyle Show when penalised by Ofcom. The reason, they claimed, why the use of the C word by a guest wasn't bleeped out was due to them not being able to understand him. And here's me thinking incoherence was a pre requisite for this compendium of cro magnon cankers. I said "cankers", M'Lud.

One of the last swearing taboos was uttered by a Scottish contributor, but went to air as programme makers were wrong footed by his strong accent. Ofcom described the word as the most "offensive and abusive" and its use was "unacceptable".

Unbeknown to our Petrus quaffing chums at Ofcom, a c**t appears every day without fail on the Jeremy Kyle Show.
Jeremy Kyle.

For more killer punchlines like that, download the World Podcast Award nominated comedy " Waiting for Death " at
http://www.wonkanaproductions.com/waitingfordeath.php

Mid-Week Mania

A madness grips the country. I call it collective stupidity. It's my personal theory which explains how otherwise able and astute individuals lose all their wit when acting within a larger community or society. Now I know what you're thinking, Dr Persaud. It's speech marks or a timely civil action. Quotation or litigation. Do tarry awhile before you deploy that trusty copy and paste. The stupidity to which I allude is demonstrated effectively and prosaically in the scripts of " Waiting for Death ", the Wonkana Productions podcast comedy series. How can something this good be free, you ask.And well you might.

So what's wrong with society? A surfeit of the keenest minds, glittering alumni and an ostentation of consultants are powerless to prevent the unique brand of stupid that has become the hallmark of 21st century Britain.

Just what has provoked my ire so acutely? A little known newspaper not five miles from one of our pod casting bunkers tells of a Waterstones store that will be "policed" by a cardboard cut out copper.P.C. Nick Stephens explains :

" Research has shown that shoplifting is reduced.......he (cut out) will be on guard 24 hours and won't take a tea break ! " The side splitting humour in that quote clearly an acrid smokescreen for the soul destroying buffoonery of the concept. I think I speak for most right minded taxpayers when expressing a desire for 3, not 2 dimensional officers on the beat. Yet again, another own goal in the net of stupidity.

For equally pointed comment on society, its foibles and sketches as sharp as a cutlass, go here
http://www.wonkanaproductions.com/waitingfordeath.php