The Missing Link

Lay everything bare. That's the way in 2008. Kyle, Katona, Price, Brand, Ross and a homogeneous cast of thousands have all become dramatis personae in the spouting of the trivial and the dysfunctional. There is a time for diplomacy and a time for tact. That time is 4.54pm as I compose this blog entry. The organisation I am about to direct a tirade at shall remain nameless. I would say they know who they are, but I fear they don't. I come away with the distinct impression that not only does their right hand not know what their left hand is doing, the left hand believes its opposite number never existed in the first place. As a business, we have spent the best part of a year meeting various figureheads from this organisation and asking who it would be best to speak to given our line of work and how it will enhance theirs beyond question. Usually it's a "drop me an email and I'll point you in the right direction". Then the email only returns after 2 prompts over a 2 to 3 week period and even then it usually results in the same thing.Nada. Sometimes you'll get a name and a direct number. But they tend to be the wrong person too. It's a shambles. From top to bottom. Side to side. Would you be surprised if I told you public money pays for this organisation? Thought not.

Podcasting News

And so we return, hanging sweetly in the ether, like the aroma from a highly exclusive yet accessible eau de toilette. Now before panic sets in, I can confirm the contents of this e letter have been ratified by our compliance unit and do not cross the "edgy" but palatable comedy boundaries you have come to expect. There'll be no falling on swords BBC style and no prank calls to national treasures. That said, I did toy with the idea of reversing the charges from the New York speaking clock to Dame Judi Dench. One unreported and intriguing facet of the Sachsgate saga is that sales of Fawlty Towers dvds have enjoyed something of a resurgence! At the ripe young age of 78, we may now bear witness to a Manuel renaissance and some slapstick senile delinquency. Was the swearing excised from the podcast I wonder?


No such problem with the genial and charismatic Lloyd Richards and LPR Mortgage Services. I met young Lloyd through the Business Club and all sycophancy aside (there's a first!), there are some clients who are so enthused, so pro active and so switched on, that you almost wonder if they've been rote learning your business plan. Lloyd is one of these. As an independent mortgage broker, the opportunity was to create a broadcast quality audio podcast that would sit on the LPR site, iTunes and myriad podcast directories. As a pilot episode, both of us are grinning a la Cheshire Cat. The Wonkana produced podcast begins to capture Lloyd's energy, humour and equally, knowledge for mortgages and the property market. Heaven knows we need it now! "The Real Mortgage Show" is a great example of how a business can really personalise itself and communicate in a green, paperless way. It also allows you to come across as eminently likeable, ahead of the field and therefore an innovator. Do have a listen :

http://www.lprmortgages.co.uk/


I did promise that we'd veer away from any incendiary topics or material likely to cause offence and raising of the hackles. I fibbed. Whilst filling out a web registration form for the 2012 Olympics, it came to my attention that far from being marginalised, religion is bigger than ever. More than a page of the form was given over to monitoring the spiritual leanings of your company's staff. Luckily, this potentially hot potato was circumnavigated by our theological insouciance. Colin's atheism was catered for, my low key Christian beliefs were accounted some way down the list behind Voodoo, Shamanism and Branch Davidianism and our team of writers and producers would rightly chide me for prying into their private views. We only wanted to pitch for an Olympics podcast, not create the profile of a hate preacher! Should you be looking into the way your business communicates and you haven't the slightest interest in our religious diversity, please drop by at http://www.wonkanaproductions.com/

Call me old fashioned

Who do we "thank".....Jung, Freud, Kerry Katona ? Society has become fixated with once private detail. Whether it's a house being sold by lesbians or what kind of anti depressant some ubiquitous celebrity is on. For the perennially curious, Ms Katona favours an acuphase salad on a bed of seroxat.
As a child of the '70s, I wasn't especially aware of any Victorian overtones to my generation. Our Dads were always better than the next and there was, of course, the inevitable comparison of Grifter and Chopper. Beyond that,it seemed to me people largely kept their private life, well - private. I'm not just thinking of seamy boudoir practices here, although Dave Allen would have brushed his trouser leg with some disquiet had he been privy to the shenanigans of a certain Mr Brand. Nothing is sacred. For any self respecting messy-haired sex addict, the devil's in the detail. Lay it all bare, hold the mystique and peg out your dirty laundry for some easy press coverage and capacious book sales.
My coping mechanisms have become largely de sensitised to this exhibitionism and self publicising nonsense, yet I insist on the re reinstatement of one former taboo. Money. I never fail to be shaken by the brazen bragging which centres around salaries. My colleague was recently subjected to an unsolicited boast of a friend's new radio contract.
"50 thousand a year", she declared without a trace of self awareness or dignity.
In this era of globalisation, company turnovers, profit, share prices and other financial minutiae are inevitable, but the personal stuff - keep it personal. I don't want your coarse, vulgar and avaricious preening.

I now pronounce you salesman and wife

I've never envied sales people. Whether it's the preposterous facade of the car sales exec who disappears upstairs for 10 minutes "to really try for you....I'm going to get the best price for your car", or the white socks brigade of those high street electrical retailers who accost you before you're barely over the threshold.
Nobody will ever sing " hi diddledy dee, a salesman's life for me ".
As a business in the frugal throes of year one, we can ill afford to lavish good currency on retained sales staff let alone a company car and assorted perks. We need what one businessman called "lovers". Lovers of what we do. Those who've really latched onto podcasting, what it can do for a client and that we always deliver a tip top service. Then when they've done that, signed a particularly girthsome order and concientiously licked our shoes to a high polish, they can have a commission cheque. They can be an odd breed, existing between the shadows of targets and regular one to ones. Ah one to ones - the last refuge of the scumbag. A slow and deliberate applying of the thumbscrews to an otherwise affable individual, who dares to carry a business card adorned with "media sales executive". It might as well say " I interfere with animals".
Now I don't claim to be a salesman, but selling is what you have to do in those early and intoxicating days of a new business. As the venerable Mr Sharkey of the Pokercast declared "you have to be able to take no as an answer."
I honestly wouldn't mind the occasional "no", even something more surly would suffice. Anything rather than message non grata. The email that goes unacknowledged. Those who have heard our stuff want to talk. And well they might! Believe me, I'm not selling useless crap. This perfectly illustrates my point
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rcr4ojLcSM
It's a bit good. And that's only one of our products. Give us a fair shot and we could be mutually beneficial.