E-fail

Sending bank statements to the company accountant. Easy. Or so you would have thought. My pc and I are largely simpatico when it comes to the rudiments of sending. Dear old outlook put in some sterling work when Wonkana sent out its monthly newsletter. By the by, if you could use a copy, dot the i's and cross the t's here and I'll make sure one reaches you.

http://www.wonkanaproductions.com/contactus.php

My expectations of our email were somewhat dented when it came to attaching scanned documents and asking the not entirely unreasonable task of emailing them. Outlook's coping mechanisms looked decidedly battered as I pressed the "send" button and decamped to the kitchen in order to kill the inevitable passage of time. After making some tea, walking the dog (that ones for you, Col!), dismantling the house brick-by-brick, rebuilding it and still having time for a trip to Victorian England in the time machine I'd had time to build, still the antagonistic green bar was only two thirds full. This email wasn't leaving Wonkana Production HQ. Given the complete absence of alacrity by Microsoft, our server and the incorrect alingment of ley lines between here and North Somerset I remained remarkably even handed. No profanities passed these lips. You see it's all part of our mission statement as deft exponents of podcasting; the air is never blue, only green. So in place of the f word, the c word, the w word or any natty combination of all three, I let rip with a litany of calming and eco friendly vocabulary.

"Oh offset carbon footprint" I cried, as a repeated pressing of "send/receive" proved as futile as the last. I even opened up my BT yahoo email, which proved about as useful as a MENSA test in an audience of Jeremy Kyle guests. I'd even consider a conversation with our web/IT guy, but think how he'd feel if I dissected Osbourne's use of pusillanimous and phlegmatic in " Look back in anger " to him using polysyllabic and exotic words. Best if his patois on peripherals and my limited understanding on matters IT retain their separation. Blogging I can do, just don't ask me to send large attachments. And no, that isn't spam speak for free Viagra.